Why not?

Every expert on earth is picking the Tigers to beat the Cards in the World Series; and they make a pretty good case. Heck, I almost felt pity myself. But there's just one more thing.

“Ladies and Gentlemen of this supposed jury, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookie from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!”

Two weeks ago, we were in the middle of the greatest regular season collapse in the history of baseball. Now, we’re in the World Series. That does not make sense. I'm not making any sense.

I’ve been reading ESPN’s experts all say we would lose in each round of the playoffs. Some Schmuck in Baltimore says no one even cares we’re there. I would gripe about a lack of respect, but I’ve believed we’re underdogs in every round as well.

Fact is we’re not good. Nothing in this postseason has made any sense.

Move Yadier down in the lineup. You gotta get that kid extra at-bats. Pinch hit Duncan against one of the best lefty relievers in baseball. Use rookie relievers as your first three options out of the pen.Yadier with two homers, Suppan and Taguchi each with one.

I'm predicting TLR bats Albert out of the leadoff spot in the Series.

Look at the silly monkey.

So how do we matchup against the Tigers? Not well.

The Tigers will throw two lefties at us, probably in games 1-2. Kenny Rogers is on some sort of mission. Spezio has hit him well in his carreer, but this isn’t your father’s Kenny Rogers. He’s been in some sort of weird zone.

We’ll counter in game 1 with either Weaver on short rest (which would lead to Carpenter on short rest in game 2), Reyes, or Marquis.

Reyes looked cooked to me in Game 4 of the LCS. I think he’s worn down. I think, and it pains me, I think we’re about to see Marquis in Game 1 of the World Series. Yeah. Makes perfect sense. Really, the only thing that makes less sense than Marquis having his first good outing in six months would be starting Ankiel.

“Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense!”

Weaver in game 2, on regular rest, followed by Carpenter in Game 3 and Suppan in Game 4. You then have the option of coming back with Weaver on short rest in game 5, or your game 1 starter again. If you throw Weaver, Carpenter and Suppan in games 5-7, they would all pitch on short rest. It would be the only way to get all of them two starts.

Neither option is good. I was debating with my boss this morning about who to start. I said Marquis, he said Thompson. Yeah, we’re in the World Series.

The only thing in our favor is that the Tigers will, for the first time, be favorites. We can always hope they fail under the weight of expectations. Doesn’t seem likely.

So, to sum up, we face two fantastic lefthanded starters, two starters that bring outrageous heat, a bullpen with guys that throw 103, and a better offense. We do all of this with our subpar pitching staff in shambles, and the heart of our order either groggy or unable to lift their left arms above their heads.

I’d say the Cards win it in 5.

“If Chewbacca is a wookie on Endor, you must acquit.”